I am a dreamer. I see the way I want my life to look, spaces to look, relationships to look way before it actually happens. I see it playing like a movie in my head. The clothes I am wearing, the car I am driving, the way my husband and I speak to one another, the girls trip my friends, and I will go on. I can see it all down to the itty-bitty details. I think that there is some beauty in this because I believe in the power of manifestation and visualization. It helps me to set the goals needed to achieve my dreams. And what I am recently learning is when I am in this space, I am also in my control part. The part that has anxiety about the unknown and what ifs. Living in this space can lead to disappointment, rage, irritation, frustration, depression, and sadness. I have noticed that when the movie doesn’t play out exactly as I envisioned it, I start to shut down, or lash out or feel anxious… because I don’t know what comes next…
I think what I have come to realize, maybe just this weekend even, is that there is beauty in not knowing what comes next. There is beauty in releasing and allowing God to show you what He has been dreaming up. When we wholeheartedly believe that the universe, God, or whatever entity you believe in has us in their grips we can stop holding on so tight. I know that my God wants me to live out all of the dreams that I envision and see for myself. Every single one of them. The difference is, he can see the whole picture. While I am scrambling to control each part just hoping it leads me to the next.
Don’t get me wrong, this is hard. Ego gets in the way and says, “I know the right or better way”. I often battle with Ego and it is exhausting. I think I am to the point where I want to try something new. So here is to letting go, releasing, trusting, believing and, to dreaming. Dreaming about the life that we want, trusting that it is coming and seeing how we are already living in it.
More content on expectations:
The Consequences of Expectations Podcast Episode
Feeling Stuck? Here is Why We Are Resistant to Change Podcast Episode
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