Navigating the Rollercoaster of Grief: Understanding the Five-Stage and Seven-Stage Models
Grief is a deeply personal and complex experience that involves a range of emotions and responses to loss. Because of these complexities, it can be difficult and overwhelming when trying to manage grief. Over the years, several models have been developed to help us understand the grieving process and its different stages. There are two models of grief that are widely-recognized and the most common: the five-stage model and seven-stage model.
Before we get started, I need you to remember something important. Every grief journey is unique, and it is not a one size fits all experience. Your grieving process will look different than someone else's, and it will even be different than grief you've experienced from another event in your life. These models are here to help you understand what you're going through, not as a step-by-step guide to tell you how to feel or to bring you shame about your grief.
Now let's dig into these grief models. By understanding these models, we can gain a greater sense of self-awareness and find solace in knowing that our experiences are part of a universal journey.
The Five-Stage Model of Grief:
Denial: In the face of loss, it is common to experience a sense of disbelief or denial. Loss changes the whole dynamic of our lives in an instant, so it's normal to struggle with grounding yourself in the present. This stage acts as a defense mechanism, allowing us to gradually process and accept the reality of the loss at our own pace.
Anger: As reality sets in, feelings of anger may emerge. Your anger may present in different ways. You might feel anger towards the person who passed away, yourself, others, or even a higher power. It is important to acknowledge and express anger in healthy ways. If you don't address the feeling and find a useful tool to release your anger, you may see it manifesting in other areas of your life.
Bargaining: During this stage, you may find yourself attempting to make deals or bargains in an attempt to reverse or delay the loss. An example of what this may look is like "if only I had done things differently, this wouldn't have happened." It is a way of seeking control or searching for a sense of meaning amidst the pain and helplessness that you feel.
Depression: As the weight of the loss becomes more apparent, feelings of deep sadness and depression can arise. It's normal to struggle with feeling emptiness during the grief process, and not knowing how to move forward after loss. Try to check in with yourself regularly about your feelings of depression, and ask for support when you need it.
Acceptance: The final stage of the Five-Stage Model involves reaching a state of acceptance, where individuals come to terms with the reality of the loss. Acceptance does not mean that you have moved on or that you will not think of your loved one anymore. It just means that you understand the reality of your loss, and are making steps to live with and navigate life after loss.
The Seven-Stage Model of Grief:
Shock and Denial: This stage is characterized by feelings of disbelief, numbness, and a sense of being emotionally overwhelmed. Just like in the five-stage model, this defense mechanism is there to protect us and help us ease into the gravity of the loss you've experienced.
Pain and Guilt: In this stage, the emotional pain of the loss intensifies, accompanied by feelings of guilt or self-blame. It is important to acknowledge and address these emotions through self-compassion and forgiveness. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up, but remember that nothing is your fault. Give yourself grace during this phase.
Anger and Bargaining: As reality sets in, anger and the need to negotiate or make bargains with a higher power or fate may arise. These emotions are a natural response to the loss and the ensuing changes in one's life. Try to find healthy tools that help you process your anger so it doesn't start impacting other areas of your life.
Depression, Reflection, and Loneliness: This stage involves a deep sense of sadness and introspection. It is a time for reflection, self-examination, and grappling with the loneliness that can accompany grief. You may struggle to find things that bring you joy, and the things that used to make you happy are no longer working. Be gentle with yourself, you're navigating a lot all at once.
The Upward Turn: As time passes, you may begin to experience glimpses of hope and positive emotions. The pain and intensity of grief start to lessen, allowing for moments of respite and healing. You may notice in this stage that you are much more appreciative of the things you have, and you may feel like you don't want to take things for granted.
Reconstruction and Working Through: During this stage, you'll begin to rebuild your life and find new ways of functioning without the presence of what has been lost. It involves creating a new sense of normalcy and integrating the loss into your life story. Your emotions associated with the loss may feel less overwhelming and more manageable day to day.
Acceptance and Hope: The final stage of the Seven-Stage Model involves reaching a state of acceptance, where individuals develop a renewed sense of hope for the future. It does not mean forgetting or diminishing the significance of the loss, but rather finding a way to move forward with a sense of peace and possibility.
Whether you resonate more with the Five-Stage Model or the Seven-Stage Model, understanding the stages of grief can provide valuable insights into your own grieving process. Remember that grief is a unique journey, and everyone experiences it differently. These models serve as tools to help us navigate the complexities of grief and find solace in the shared human experience of loss. Allow yourself the time and space to honor your emotions, seek support from loved ones or professionals, and embrace the healing journey ahead.
Take the first step towards healing and schedule a session with one of our therapists today. Your emotional well-being is important, and reaching out for support can make a significant difference in your grieving journey. Don't hesitate to seek the help you deserve.