Navigating Emotional Self-Regulation: What Dysregulation Looks Like and How to Identify It
Picture this: You wake up in the morning and realize you’ve slept ten minutes past your alarm. You know that it’s not that big of a deal and you can still get to work on time, but now you feel anxious and uneasy. Then you realize you didn’t set your coffee maker last night, so you have to wait for your coffee instead of having a fresh cup immediately. Your partner comes into the kitchen while you are waiting on your coffee. They are in a good mood and try to engage in small talk with you, but you’re already frustrated so you get angry with them. After picking a fight, you’re now completely shut off and don’t even tell your partner goodbye when you leave. The rest of your day is filled with irritation over every minor inconvenience, anxiety and overwhelm that you can’t shake, somehow you’re on the verge of tears over mundane things. At the end of the night, you mindlessly watch reality tv for hours because you don’t have the capacity for anything else. Does any of this sound familiar?
Unfortunately, for many of us, this becomes our lives day in and day out. We begin to think this is what it means to be an adult and it’s completely normal to feel this way. What if you could wake up ten minutes late and it has virtually no impact on your day? By practicing self-awareness and emotional regulation, you can learn how to manage stressors without letting small things take over and find joy in everyday life.
What Is Emotional Self-Regulation?
Emotional self-regulation is our ability to manage and respond to our emotional experiences in a healthy and adaptive way. It’s being able to experience emotions without letting them take over your life. Having emotional regulation skills helps us stay balanced, make rational decisions, and maintain healthy relationships.
Emotional Dysregulation: When Things Go Haywire
So what does it look like when you are not self-regulating? It's when our emotions are so intense or persistent that they begin disrupt our daily lives. That can be hard to identify though, especially when being dysregulated has become the norm for you. Here are some signs that you might be experiencing emotional dysregulation:
Mood Swings: One minute you feel on top of the world, and the next, you can’t get out of bed. While it's normal to have ups and downs, extreme and frequent mood swings shouldn’t be something you’re experiencing consistently.
Overreacting to Small Things: Ever found yourself snapping at someone over a minor inconvenience, like one small change in plans ruining your whole day? If small annoyances trigger big reactions, you might be struggling with emotional dysregulation.
Difficulty Calming Down: After a stressful event, do you find it hard to settle down and return to a calm state? Emotional dysregulation can make it challenging to soothe yourself, leaving you stuck in a heightened emotional state for longer than necessary.
Impulsive Actions: Acting on impulse can be a red flag. Whether it's saying something hurtful in the heat of the moment or making rash decisions without thinking them through, impulsivity often stems from an inability to regulate intense emotions.
Avoiding Emotions: On the flip side, some people deal with dysregulation by avoiding emotions altogether. They might shut down, numb themselves with distractions, or avoid situations that could trigger feelings. This avoidance can lead to a disconnect from their own emotions, making it harder to process and manage them effectively.
How do I help myself recognize when I’m dysregulated?
Recognizing emotional dysregulation is the first step toward managing it, but sometimes it can be hard to recognize when you’re in the middle of it. Having awareness is the first step to being able to work on self-regulation. Here are some tips to help you identify it:
Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on your emotional patterns. Are there specific triggers that set you off? How do you usually react to stress or conflict? Journaling can be a great tool for tracking your emotional responses and identifying any patterns of dysregulation.
Feedback from Others: Sometimes our loved ones can see things we might miss. If trusted friends or family members have mentioned concerns about your emotional reactions, it might be worth considering their perspective. They can provide valuable insights into how your emotions impact your relationships and daily life.
Mindfulness Practices: Mindfulness involves paying attention to your present experience without judgment. Practices like meditation, deep breathing, or simply pausing to check in with yourself can help you become more aware of your emotions and how they fluctuate throughout the day.
Start Therapy: If you suspect emotional dysregulation is significantly impacting your life, seeking therapy services can be incredibly beneficial. Having a counselor for life stress can offer strategies and support to help you develop healthier emotional regulation while giving you a safe space to process your emotions.
Emotional dysregulation can feel overwhelming, but remember, it's not a life sentence. By learning to recognize the signs and taking proactive steps, you can gain better control over your emotional landscape. It's all about finding balance and trusting yourself to be calm and confident in the face of stressful situations. So, next time you feel those emotions revving up, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you've got this!
Do you resonate with this blog and know you need support but aren’t sure where to start? We are here to help! We provide individual counseling in Georgia, Florida and Pennsylvania virtually, with office locations in Buford, GA and Peachtree City, GA. Book a free consultation with us today!
