Creating Healthy Boundaries During the Holiday Season
As the holiday season approaches, many of us are excited to spend time with our loved ones and enjoy reconnecting. Sometimes though, holidays can bring up feelings of stress, anxiety, and overwhelm. It can feel isolating when your friends are excited to go home for the holidays, but you feel uneasy. It’s important to recognize that even in the best circumstances, it’s normal to have uncomfortable feelings approaching family events. The framework that our family created for us may have shifted as we create our own family systems, you may be dealing with unaddressed generational trauma, or struggling with grief and PTSD during the holiday season. You’re not alone, it’s something so many are dealing with.
While we can’t completely prevent these feelings or control what our loved ones may say or do, there are some things within our control. Setting boundaries with your loved ones is important, especially around the holidays. Creating boundaries, implementing them, and learning how to effectively communicate them can be challenging. A mental health counselor can help you create healthy boundaries catered to your circumstances so you can feel confident going into the holidays.
Why are boundaries important during the holidays?
The holidays are going to elicit heightened expectations and emotions, whether they are good or bad ones. We may feel pressure to entertain guests, attend events, and purchase gifts for loved ones. While these activities can be fun and enjoyable, they can also be exhausting and overwhelming. Even when you enjoy the people you’ll be surrounding yourself with, it can still come with complicated emotions and stress. Setting boundaries can help us prevent burnout, give ourselves and others clear expectations, and help us still be able to connect joyfully with others.
Boundaries can also help us protect our mental and emotional health. If we're dealing with difficult family dynamics or stressful situations, setting boundaries can help us maintain our peace of mind and avoid getting caught up in drama or conflict. By setting clear expectations for ourselves and others, we can reduce stress and create a more positive holiday experience.
If you’re used to being a people pleaser and constantly making sure others are happy, it can be bewildering to even think of setting boundaries. It often feels like you will be happier if you go along with what everyone wants because while it may not be what you want, at least everyone around you is happy. It’s so easy to tell ourselves that it’s better that way, but you are worth taking the time to figure out what makes you happy and what you want your holiday experience to look like.
Many people find boundary setting especially difficult when it comes to your family of origin. You may feel obligated to carry out certain traditions or participate because it’s “what you’re supposed to do.” It’s natural to feel a sense of obligation in these situations, but you aren’t required to do anything you don’t want to do, even if it is during the holidays. If you find boundary setting to be particularly difficult, explore mental health counseling with your loved ones. Mother and daughter counseling is something that can drastically improve your relationship while also ensuring both of you are being heard and understood about your wishes.
Tips for setting and maintaining boundaries during the holidays
1. Identify your priorities: Before the holiday season begins, take some time to reflect on what's most important to you. This may include spending time with family and friends, practicing self-care, or volunteering in your community. Once you've identified your priorities, you can set boundaries that support them. When thinking about what your priorities are, focus on what makes you feel good and what you look forward to, not what you think others expect of you or what someone else’s priorities are.
2. Communicate your needs: Openly communicate with your loved ones about what your priorities are, where they fit into that, and how things may need to shift to accommodate your needs. For example, if you struggle with having a different set of beliefs than your family, let them know what topics are off limits. If you are staying at a loved one’s for multiple days and need time to recharge, let them know you’d like a private space to recharge. By being honest and upfront, you can avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
3. Say no when necessary: It's okay to decline invitations or requests that don't align with your priorities. Saying no can be difficult, but your time is valuable and should be spent doing the things that are important to you. Prioritize your time and energy so that you can focus on the things that matter for you.
4. Take care of yourself: It can be especially difficult to create and maintain boundaries when you have unhealthy relationship dynamics with loved ones or you have circumstances that may be different than others. Make sure you remember the tools you have when you feel overwhelmed or stressed. If you’ve experienced loss or trauma involving your loved ones, it may be beneficial to seek out grief and PTSD counseling. Holidays are especially difficult when you’re struggling with loss and the effects of trauma. The everyday emotions that come with grief and PTSD are amplified around the holidays, when spending time with loved ones, or when routines are different.
5. Be flexible. While setting boundaries is important, it's also important to understand that boundaries are not hard set lines. They can adapt and change to the circumstances. The holidays can be unpredictable, and sometimes things don't go as planned. Your priorities themselves may shift as well after you’ve set boundaries. It’s ok to change those boundaries, the most important thing is that you are staying true to yourself and honoring what your wishes are.
When it comes to boundaries, it’s important to recognize that having boundaries, communicating them, and implementing them may not always be well-received. Remember that boundaries are put in place to protect your peace and overall well-being, and you are worthy of having a say in how your holiday experience goes. Some people may not like the boundaries you set, and that’s ok, but it isn’t your burden to bear if they don’t understand them. Putting yourself first and making your own needs a priority is no reflection on the relationship you have with your loved ones, it’s a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself.
If you’re struggling with creating boundaries and learning how to have an enjoyable holiday season, we’re here to help! A mental health counselor can help you process your circumstances and create a plan for setting, communicating, and implementing boundaries. We serve Georgia, Florida, and Pennsylvania virtually, with office locations in Buford, GA and Peachtree City, GA. Book a consult with us today!
