I Can’t Do That, I’m Too Scared: Learn How to Conquer Your Fears and Thrive
How many times have you had an idea or wanted to try something new, and thought to yourself:
I can’t do that.
I’m too young/old.
I’m not smart/strong/resilient enough.
That sounds too scary.
What if something happens?
Things like this don’t work out for me.
It’s so easy to let these thoughts take control. If you’re anything like us, these voices of fear can ruminate in your head long enough until you’ve convinced yourself not to take the leap. You let fear have control, and you stop allowing yourself to take chances, make changes, and flourish. But what happens when you stop seeing fear as a bad thing, and start letting it fuel you instead? What could you accomplish if you started doing things scared?
I know, it’s easier said than done when you’d much rather stay in the comfort of what’s familiar than take the risks, but you’re missing the intense growth that comes with fear. Things can be messy and beautiful, scary and exciting, hard and fulfilling at the same time. Allowing yourself to live in duality, or shades of grey makes life so much sweeter.
If you’ve lived your whole life letting fear dictate your decisions, how do you even start learning how to embrace it? First, you need to understand your fear and why it has such a hold over you. Then you can learn how to hold space for the fear and the excitement. Mental health counseling is a great place to turn to if you’re struggling with identifying the root of your fears. It can feel impossible to pick apart your innermost fears, articulate them, and then pave the way to let fear exist while enacting change. A therapist is trained to help you find the answers within yourself so you can thrive.
Why are you so scared?
Fear of the unknown: Think back to when you were in school, and how it felt the night before the first day. Tossing and turning, not sure who’s going to be in your class, what your teachers will be like, who you’ll have lunch with. You were scared because you didn’t know what the next school year would hold. In our adult lives, an example might be: If you’re miserable at your job, are you feeling scared to apply for something new because at least where you are is familiar and comfortable? Is it easier to stay in an unhealthy relationship because the thought of being alone is even scarier than being unhappy?
Fear of failure: By human nature, you are naturally going to avoid negative experiences and emotions. While this can be helpful in some ways, it also holds you back from taking chances out of fear that it won’t work or that it will eventually fail. You may be worried about what others around you might think and the criticisms you may receive. You might be worried about disappointing yourself or feeling inadequate.
Fear of success: Just like the fear of failure, the fear of success can also hold us back. New things are scary, even if they’re good things. Think about buying your first car or house, or your decision to have children. These are exciting milestones, but it doesn’t mean there’s no fear involved. When you are fearful of success, you may be worried about having extra responsibilities, higher expectations, and the fear of losing what you worked so hard for. If you’ve experienced difficult phases of life, success may feel unfamiliar and scary.
Fear of moving on: If you’ve experienced loss, you may have fears that moving forward in your life and finding joy will somehow make you lose connection with or completely diminish what you’ve lost. You may feel like letting go of the thick fog and pain of grief means you’re letting go of the love you had for what you lost. Loss cracks the foundation of our lives and creates uncertainty, doubt, and fear. In the face of grief, it’s hard to see that it’s ok to move forward. Having a grief counselor can help you process your grief and navigate all of the fears that come with growth and change after loss.
How do you move forward in the face of fear?
Acknowledge it: When you start having those thoughts that you can’t do something, recognize the fear that you’re experiencing. Don’t try to get rid of the fear or replace it with something else. You can allow the fear to exist without letting it stop you from doing the things you want to accomplish.
Reflect on past fears: Think about a time you’ve been scared to do something and it turned out positively. Even little moments, like the first day of school, provide a good way to reflect on your fears. You can take these examples of times you’ve been fearful and remind yourself that you got through it, and maybe even came out of the other side a better you.
Build your support system: If you’re making a leap and taking chances, it’s important to have a support system that will encourage and uplift you. Talk to your friends and family about what you want to pursue so they can motivate you to take action. A mental health counselor can help you identify and process fears as they come up, and create a sustainable plan for you. Your friends can celebrate you as you reach milestones in your goals. A good support system is the best way to keep you accountable.
Fear isn’t something you should avoid and ignore when it surfaces. If you try to push out the fear, you’re also pushing out all of the possibilities that come with taking chances. Instead, name the fear, acknowledge it, give it space, and let yourself feel it. Instead of letting fear take the driver's seat in your life, let it be the fuel while you take charge and make a change.
If you resonate with this blog and need support, one of our mental health counselors can help you create a plan to become fearless in the pursuit of your passions. We provide individual counseling in Georgia, Florida and Pennsylvania virtually, with office locations in Buford, Ga and Peachtree City, Ga. Book a free consultation with us today!
