I’m a Bad Mom: Letting Go of Mom Guilt and Embracing Our Vulnerability
How often have you gone to bed at night thinking about all of the things you could have done better for your kids that day? Or planned a kid-free weekend or even a date night, and second-guessed going because you feel like you should let your kids come with you and turn it into family time?
Mommas, you don’t have to hold this guilt. We put all of this internal pressure on ourselves to be the perfect mom, partner, employee, daughter, and friend, and we lose sight of one of the most important relationships in our lives–the relationship with ourselves. You deserve to love yourself, and if you’re spending all of your free time thinking about the ways you’re not being there for your family, you’re taking valuable time away from yourself. When we can’t give ourselves the love we deserve, it makes it harder for us to be present and give love to those closest to us.
I’m giving you permission to let go of the weight on your shoulders. Take a deep breath, and when you exhale and let the tension in your body go, let the guilt go with it. It’s normal for this to feel like an impossible task, and if you’re struggling with finding ways to center yourself and let go of those negative emotions, consider finding a therapist near you who can guide you through your feelings and process them.
Things we’re not going to feel guilty about
The list of things we find ourselves ruminating over at night of where we went wrong is endless. To be able to start letting go of that guilt, we first have to name it. This list is just a start, but they’re some of the most common areas we struggle with as moms.
Childcare: Whether you need childcare while you’re working, when you go on a date night, or if you just need a couple hours to yourself every week, needing childcare has absolutely nothing to do with how good of a parent you are. We all need support sometimes and it’s actually crucial for our well-being to have people in our corner. It’s also good for our children to have other adults outside of their parents that they can connect with.
Self-care: We’re not going to harbor guilt for putting ourselves first anymore. We won’t have guilt for locking the bathroom door so we can take a bubble bath and read our book in peace. We’re not going to feel bad that we spent money on lunch and a manicure instead of buying something for our kids. Putting yourself first is ok!
Conflicts with our children: We aren’t going to get along with our kids all the time, and that’s how it should be! We’re shaping human beings who have their own feelings, opinions and priorities. It’s ok for things not to be perfect all the time. The most important part is that we’re able to communicate with them effectively when there’s conflict and hold space for their feelings. Traditional family dynamics and our own preconceived notions of what parenting is supposed to look like can make it hard to handle conflicts, especially with our daughters. Mother and daughter counseling is a great way to start shifting those dynamics and bridging the gap with our children.
Things we’re going to do instead
Now that we know what to start letting go of, what can we do instead to foster connection with our kids while also making space for ourselves?
Choose convenience: We don’t have to have perfectly curated meal plans, squeaky clean houses, and a calendar full of extra-curriculars. Order from a meal service, outsource chores, let the toys sit on the floor so you can spend an hour with your partner after the kids are in bed. Life is hard and busy, if you can make things easier on yourself, do it!
Take time for yourself: When we start practicing regular self-care, we are modeling to our children what it looks like to love ourselves. In our minds, it feels like it’s taking time away from our kids and makes us a bad parent. In reality, we are showing them the importance of listening to your body and its needs, prioritizing yourself, and leaning in to the things you love.
Nurture our relationship with our kids: Instead of focusing on times when things go wrong in parenting, try to embrace the things that go well and lean into them. You were running late to school this morning and got frustrated with your daughter? We’ve all been there! Instead of letting yourself sit with guilt and uneasiness, set aside one-on-one time after school, work, or extracurricular activities. Acknowledge that you were frustrated, apologize for your reaction, and together talk about how to navigate mornings like that going forward. The more we open up and allow ourselves to be vulnerable with our children, the more they will feel safe to be vulnerable around us.
At Nurture and Be Therapy Services, serving moms and their children is one of our greatest passions. One of our mental health counselors can help you let go of the guilt and start living a more joyful life with your family. We serve Georgia, Florida, and Pennsylvania virtually, with office locations in Buford, GA and Peachtree City, GA. Book a consult with us today!
