Supporting a Loved One with PTSD: A Guide to Compassionate Care
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that can affect anyone who has experienced or witnessed a traumatic event, such as combat, abuse, accidents, or natural disasters. Living with PTSD is really challenging, but it is also difficult on their loved ones. If you have a loved one struggling with PTSD, you might feel helpless and neglected in your relationship. You might not be able to understand what they are going through and you won’t always be able to help them, but there are things you can do for your loved one and yourself that will help you both feel more grounded.
Educate Yourself About PTSD
The first step in supporting someone with PTSD is learning about what they are going through. They may experience symptoms like flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, hypervigilance, and emotional numbing. These symptoms can vary in severity and may come and go over time. By understanding their symptoms, you’ll be better equipped to recognize your loved one’s triggers and patterns, allowing you to offer appropriate support without inadvertently causing distress. When you understand the basics of PTSD, you'll have greater empathy for your loved one’s experience and be more prepared for difficult moments.
Listen and Validate Their Experience
One of the most important things you can do for someone with PTSD is to be a good listener. Allow your loved one to share their feelings and thoughts without judgment or interruption. You can’t fix what they are going through, they have already been through something horrific and you can’t change that for them no matter how much you want to. Trying to solve their problems will only make them feel more out of control. Instead, focus on providing a safe and supportive space for them to express themselves.
Let your loved one know that their feelings are real and understandable, even if their reactions don’t always make sense to you. When someone with PTSD is triggered, their mind is immediately brought back to the moment of their trauma and it feels like it’s happening all over again. For someone without PTSD, they may think of a difficult event and remember how it made them feel. If you have PTSD, thinking back to the difficult event doesn’t feel like a memory, it feels like it’s currently happening.
Saying things like, “I’m sorry that you’re going through this,” or “It makes sense that you would feel this way given what happened,” can help them feel heard and understood. Avoid telling them that it’s going to be ok or insinuating that they will get through it or get over it. This can feel really discouraging for them because all they want is for it to stop and that isn’t something that is always in their control.
Encourage Professional Support
While your support is invaluable, it’s important to recognize that professional support exists and may be necessary. Encourage your loved one to seek help from a trauma counselor or therapist specializing in PTSD. There are specific approaches that can be used for PTSD like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Narrative Exposure Therapy. Because of the pervasiveness and delicate nature of PTSD, it’s important to work with someone who is well-trained and uses evidence-based methods that are specifically catered to their needs.
It can be helpful to offer assistance in finding a therapist or accompanying your loved one to appointments if they need support but ultimately it’s their decision. They have been through something that wasn’t their choice and taking away their autonomy is not only doing more damage, but probably triggering for them as well.
You may also consider couples counseling if your partner is struggling with PTSD to manage changes that have happened in your relationship since the traumatic event as well as learning how to effectively communicate and provide support to each other.
Be Patient with Their Healing Process
Healing from PTSD is not linear, and setbacks are going to happen. Your loved one may have good days and bad days, and it’s important to remain patient and understanding throughout their journey. Avoid pushing them to “get over it” or expecting them to return to their old self. What they’ve been through has changed the course of their life, and they may never be the same again.
Instead of pushing them toward healing, celebrate the small victories. If you notice that they were able to work through a trigger more smoothly, congratulate them on that. When they are having a good day, cheer them on and embrace it. When they are having a bad day, instead of asking what you can do to help, learn what is helpful for them and do it without asking. They will appreciate getting support without having to put in effort.
Respect Their Boundaries
People with PTSD often need to set boundaries to feel safe, and it’s important that you honor them. These boundaries might include limits on the types of conversations they’re willing to have, places they’re willing to go, or activities they can engage in. It may feel inconvenient or unnecessary to you, but pushing them to face situations they aren’t ready for can worsen their symptoms. It may undo the progress they’ve made and put a strain on your relationship. Let them take the lead in deciding what they are comfortable with.
Take Care of Yourself
When you are supporting someone who has PTSD, it’s emotionally draining. You probably feel like the punching bag sometimes, and it will impact your own mental health if you don’t take care of yourself. You may feel like a lot of your time is spent catering to their needs and making sure they are ok, but if you don’t make sure your own needs are being met, you can’t be an effective support for them.
Consider finding a mental health counselor for yourself. Your loved one may not have the capacity to provide support to you in the same way that they used to, and that’s ok. By having professional support, you can still have an outlet while being able to be there for your loved one.
Create a self-care plan for yourself and stick to it. You can’t support someone when you are falling apart yourself, so don’t forget to take time to recharge.
If you resonate with this blog and need extra support, we are here. We provide counseling for individuals ages 5 and up, couples and families in Georgia and Florida virtually, with office locations in Buford, GA and Peachtree City, GA. Book a free consultation with us today!
